What is "Veinwriter"?

"Veinwriter" is the fictional "product" I designed that helps writers avoid all of the work and stress associated with creativity. Read about it below:



Pendragon Writer’s Solutions       
P.O. Box 57
Palomar Mountain CA. 92060
dave@pendragon.net
760-888-8888

“Solutions for writers who lack the creative spark”

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
February 1, 2010










WRITER SOFTWARE TAKES AWAY DRUDGERY OF CREATIVITY


  
Palomar Mountain, California—The Veinwriter ™ software suite from Pendragon Labs and Pendragon Writer’s Solutions Inc., addresses a nagging problem that all professional writers face: creativity— and leaves them the time for the important tasks of writing, such as marketing, tax planning and networking with magazine editors.
   
Reviewers are comparing Pendragon’s Veinwriter with Legalzoom.com for creating legal documents, or Cliff Notes for learning about famous novels without reading them. Veinwriter fills the same need for creative writers.
  
Red Smith famously observed that writing is easy,  “All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.” Today all you have to do is sit at your computer keyboard and open Veinwriter ™ the new all-in-one software that streamlines and in some cases obliterates the onerous chores that fiction writers, novelists and other ink-stained wretches have always dreaded, namely: planning the story, creating believable, living—breathing characters, determining motivations, inventing conflict, resolving conflict, creating convincing narratives and, most tedious of all, writing the story.
   
Jeremy Hacker, CEO of Pendragon Writer’s Solutions, greeted the introduction of the new product. “Now there is writing software for the rest of us. Recognizing that we were probably not alone in lacking the ability to imagine moral dilemmas, write striking narrative or to engineer struggles between good and evil, we set out to create an enterprise solution that allows anyone who can use a keyboard to write a novel. The result was Veinwriter ™.”
   
Have you ever read a mediocre, uninspiring work of fiction and said to yourself, “I could write that!”? Well, now you can!
   
Plotting from introduction to denouement is a no sweat operation with the Veinwriter ™ leaving more time to plan book-signing tours and appear on early morning talk shows. If you don’t like writing, but like having written, Veinwriter ™ could be the out-of-the-box solution that allows you to start cashing checks long before you next have to change ink cartridges on your printer.
MORE
   
With the Faust add-on modules you can also harness modern state-of-the-art random number generators to a creativity matrix and convincingly embed thematic material that is guaranteed to impress reviewers at the New York Review of Books with your obscurity and narcissism.
  
Other modules include “He said, She said,” a time and laborsaving extension that actually allows you to compose believable dialogue AND conflict—in seconds! Forget writer’s block. You’ll finish chapters and short stories so quickly and easily that you’ll be able to sleep in late every morning. The “Dialect for Idioms” extension enables writers to create believable, vernacular, dialect and accents, all accessible from an easy, intuitive pull-down menu that allows you to choose, for instance: brogue, jive, gangsta, cockney and valley.
  
Best of all, Veinwriter ™ allows aspiring novelists and hopeful National Book Award winners to skip the countless hours of reading good, well-written fiction and non-fiction and to go directly to actually imitating those styles. You can write in the style of Pynchon, Kozinski, Roth and even mimic eccentric punctuation styles such as that of e.e. cummings and Cormac McCarthy, all without risking accusations of plagiarism.




MORE

* * *
    The creative team at Pendragon Labs, based on Palomar Mountain in Southern California, is made up of writers and software engineers who know what it’s like to face yourself in the mirror the day before an important deadline and to exclaim, “I have no clue what I’m supposed to do next!” They failed to be published due to a lack of talent and ability, but thought they could fill a niche market by helping others to overcome what they felt was an inequality in the literary marketplace that limited success to those who possess narrative skills.